Thanks to those nightshifts, fucked up all my system. Here I am 3am, on my day off not tired, my brain is all awake, fuck that.
So I'm writing, you like it or not, don't care tbh
So much going on as well. Life is a funny thing actually.
Where to start? Things have changed, I have changed. Being a Londoner is by far the best thing that happened to me. Turning 25 in a few months not so much. Having a new work definitely. But there come the questions, not doubts no regrets. Just wondering basically.
Lately, events proved to me that and most of them around me don't get it, but I am with him for reasons that you don't need to know not even to understand cuz so far you don't get it, even when I thought that you will, I was wrong. But it's fine, really it is. I tried something else, end up more bitter than ever. But you know what bitterness fits me pretty well anyway.
The dream, the ultimate dream and will is over there, I can almost touch it. I will succeed and make it happen, I wanted this for 15 years now, and I will be free.
But far, so far from everything and everyone. Happiness has a cost baby. I will pay for it, whatever it takes. Even if it's mean not seeing you ever again. Yeah at that point, if you feel pain or if you are lonely because of me, blame me all you want. I might feel sorry for you but I will also be so proud of myself.
And when I will be on the other side of the sea, everything will change. You, me, them any relationship will be different. And to be honest, I cannot wait. It is probably really selfish, but I have been living for others, for you way too long.
I also met some incredible people here, and it's just the beginning. So basically I got incredible people in my life, but that's not enough, that'll never be enough, not until ... well you know.
Stop will all the serious thing.
So funny being at work during a nightshift and hear girls around me talk about him, saying how much he is fit or how much they love(d) him.
As well as having him being all jealous and cute, and himself simply.
And sneaking around in the house, only wearing a vest n panties to go to the toilets hoping that I won't meet any of my ugly/weird roommates, acting like Buffy hunting vampires haha
Right, now gonna try to sleep
Xo
B
