Changes

I do think, no one should never take anything for granted, because nothing is love. Even what is sacred is not really, it can all fly away. 

Just read my latest post, even if things have changed I still think the same things about him, but I'll never tell you that because you still won't get it. 

You know that image of one angel on your shoulder, and one devil on the other side. Well, life really feels like that. With him I've been the worst of myself, but let's be honest I'm pretty good at it. But now I can see the light (cliché!) and I wanna try a bit to be almost good. 

The only thing is everybody knows bad is always more tempting. 

Anyway, got a new man in my life, and he is pretty incredible, but because there is always a but, we have to wait and see how I deal with my old demons. 

It is also getting harder to share things, basically my life with them, I still miss them but not in the painful way anymore more something that is normal by now, it's life, and it won't change because I'm not coming back. And I've made the efforts for them, got enough now, won't fight anymore if I'm the only one. 

All in all, everything is ok you know, and you know what everything happens for a reason. 

Xo 

B

Boreeeeeeeeeed

Thanks to those nightshifts, fucked up all my system. Here I am 3am, on my day off not tired, my brain is all awake, fuck that.

So I'm writing, you like it or not, don't care tbh

So much going on as well. Life is a funny thing actually.

Where to start? Things have changed, I have changed. Being a Londoner is by far the best thing that happened to me. Turning 25 in a few months not so much. Having a new work definitely. But there come the questions, not doubts no regrets. Just wondering basically.

Lately, events proved to me that and most of them around me don't get it, but I am with him for reasons that you don't need to know not even to understand cuz so far you don't get it, even when I thought that you will, I was wrong. But it's fine, really it is. I tried something else, end up more bitter than ever. But you know what bitterness fits me pretty well anyway.

The dream, the ultimate dream and will is over there, I can almost touch it. I will succeed and make it happen, I wanted this for 15 years now, and I will be free.

But far, so far from everything and everyone. Happiness has a cost baby. I will pay for it, whatever it takes. Even if it's mean not seeing you ever again. Yeah at that point, if you feel pain or if you are lonely because of me, blame me all you want. I might feel sorry for you but I will also be so proud of myself.

And when I will be on the other side of the sea, everything will change. You, me, them any relationship will be different. And to be honest, I cannot wait. It is probably really selfish, but I have been living for others, for you way too long.

I also met some incredible people here, and it's just the beginning. So basically I got incredible people in my life, but that's not enough, that'll never be enough, not until ... well you know. 

Stop will all the serious thing.

So funny being at work during a nightshift and hear girls around me talk about him, saying how much he is fit or how much they love(d) him.

As well as having him being all jealous and cute, and himself simply.

And sneaking around in the house, only wearing a vest n panties to go to the toilets hoping that I won't meet any of my ugly/weird roommates, acting like Buffy hunting vampires haha

Right, now gonna try to sleep

Xo

B

Happy Father's Day

Here what I wrote to my dad: 

To the best dad in the world, I wish I could spend the day with you and tell you show you how much I love you!
You never left me down, always protect me ... I sure won't be who I am without you, for all of that, for those 24 years of love I just want to say THANK YOU
I'm proud to be your daughter every single day

I love you
Happy Father's Day  


You know what love, I know that one day our child will tell you those kind of things, coz you will be an extraordinary dad and I will be proud of you. But I still won't call you Daddy hope you don't mind! 

Xo

B

Sumit u'll know about us

If we were a song we'd be "Popular" by The Veronicas, that song is with us until the end 

If we were a city, that's one is really hard, we knew each other in Paris, had the best time in London and in Crete, but we gonna have a fuckin blast in California 

If we were a month, we'd be March without hesitation 

If we were a drink we'd be Champagne baby, the noble drink 

If we were a color, we'd be Black  

If we were a language, we'd be English 

If we were a movie, we'd be Kaboom  by Gregg Araki

If we were a word, we'd be Lust/Love 

If we were in ur life, we'd be the best/worst thing u ever met 

If we were someone, we'd be us no matter wat 

Xo

B

Paris I love you ... sometimes

It's funny how Paris can be lunatic, or maybe it's me 

Well I spent 2 days in Paris last week, and I loved it, it remembered me why I used to love that much living there ... I've been running for 2days from one place to another, saw some of my friends and had the best time ever 

I saw my "lover" yeah yeah that guy that sometimes write on that blog too :) you know the one I love the most, and had a fucking great time with him and his new baby Gaga who is adorable, not so much when she snores all night! 

And I've done what I like the most: take hours to be ready because I need to look stunning haha, run to shows, signing, interviews with bands, and drink and laugh and smile ...  

When it goes like that, Paris I love you! But soon I need to get home and see London again. 

If Paris were my first love, London is my man right now, and New York is my Prince Charming. 

Xo 

B

Sleep on it

That's one thing that is true. If you sleep on something, you'll be more clear about it then. I've done it. I'm still not ok with what happened. Not the fact in itself, but I still blame you. 

I said I'll do it when I'll be ready. I wasn't on that day, and in one way you imposed it to me. All I wanted was a moment alone with you, and I almost had to beg for it. 

I guess what I'd like is you to recognize that none of this was ideal, and that you put me in a situation even if I warned you before about it. 

My bestfriends can ask me anything, apart from doing something I refused, and also none of you are allowed to be sad. I can't fake my emotions, it's one thing I'll refuse to do no matter what.

So for now it feels like something is broken. And nothing was broken before, I think that's why it's that hard. 

I hope it'll soon fly away. Life goes on, I do too, but this is here and I need to say it.

Our movie

http://youtu.be/jUL1WqWnNiE